Good Morning,

Well, somewhat.  I hardly slept and I’m exhausted.  Yesterday, I did the most horrific thing since my divorce, I pulled my credit report.  It was a total of 107 pages and I kid you not, I got teary. Last time I remember pulling my credit it was something like 30 pages.  Looking over this beast of a document that would truly dictate my future, I realized that out of all the debt on it, my student loans were the only thing I solely owned. The rest was utilities and creditors from my marriage. It is partly my fault.

Total debt on my credit report shows my debt to credit ratio is 89%.  OUCH!

Looking over, there are mistakes.  But these mistakes won’t make a drastic change or dent in my score.  Things like my previous address and inquiries need not be listed etc.  I have to get creative.

I was so frustrated at this point I could punch a wall.  Thankfully I sat on my porch and drank.  Blankly staring at this squirrel that was apparently hunting or looking for something.  Quite amusing and it took my mind off the matter at hand and forced me to come to my senses.  This whole evening angered me. 

How much more can I take?  I’m one mom, on one income, paying for the damage in our marriage that was MY fault for supporting because I was being a good wife and kept my mouth shut.  Well, now I’m paying for my quietness and let me tell you, this Boston girl’s feistiness is out and staying out and any guy in my future will not get the old quiet me.  NEVER AGAIN!  This is horrible.  I can’t move, buy a home, rent an apartment elsewhere, refinance my car, or do anything. Listening to Dave Ramsey, I know I am not stuck, but try paying $91,000 in debt making around $50,000 per year (working as much OT as I can) supporting a soon to be 12-year-old. Neither of us during our divorce could afford lawyers.  We decided by mutual agreement to pay bills off 50/50.  We’ve been divorced now 8 months and not one bill is paid or negotiated or even has one payment.  My doing this blog is bringing a lot of things to light for me so I’m learning as I go.  We didn’t put our finances in our divorce decree.  Mistake?  Not really because upon further research and my conversation with a lawyer the only way to make a divorce decree stick is by taking him back to court each time I feel we aren’t paying bills.  NOT!  A divorce decree is crap to a creditor because they hold the original contract and that original contract is binding.  A divorce decree is a promise to pay. One doesn’t pay, the other is harassed pretty much.  I thought about bankruptcy, but then again, I want a home for my son and I.  He deserves that from me.  I thought about a lot of things.  I just don’t know what to do at this point and how to move forward.

It’s just plain unfair and I feel absolutely defeated.